Nothing but time!

Time what is time? People always say to use your time wisely. I have plenty of time. I’ve been wasting my time for the past ten years if not longer. I don’t know who I am anymore and as I write this I’m even sick of the thoughts I have! I’ve been diagnosed with ideas of reference, psychosis, which as the psychiatrist described it ‘ if this is the mountain your are at the foot of the mountain looking up. It’s the first stage of schizophrenia, a very small stage at the foot of the mountain, but that non the less.’ I went for a second opinion and this shrink said I had a sever anxiety disorder. He did not disagree with the other psychiatrist, My thoughts at the time were they all stick together! Non the less I’d been given Quetiapine 25-50mg among others, is an antipsychotic used for the treatment of schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and major depressive disorder. It is also used as a sleep aid due to its sedating effect, to help with the ideas of reference, which basically means I was imagining things, hearing all negative thoughts from people around me that I didn’t know, and imagining also others. This med was to help me remain calm, to stop the panic attacks. But as this was only making me sleep I had now been given another med to take 3times a day Lyrica max 600mg, should knock me out again this was for anxiety, but is also used as a sedation and pain medication.Least not forgetting the previous SSRI’s, the newer types of anti depressants I was on Paroxetine 30mg. I was originally on them for 9yrs off and on when mum dies in 2004 from cancer. 4th but no means least lol is the Amisulpride, another antipsychotic medication used to treat schizophrenia.^[1] It is also used to treat dysthymia.^[5] It is usually classed with the atypical antipsychotics. Chemically it is a benzamide and like other benzamide antipsychotics, such as sulpiride, it is associated with a high risk of elevating blood levels of the lactation hormone, prolactin (thereby potentially causing the absence of the menstrual cycle, breast enlargement, even in males, breast milk secretion not related to breastfeeding, impaired fertility, impotence, breast pain, etc.), and a low risk, relative to the typical antipsychotics, of causing movement disorders, which it did in me !All the side effects I had! I remember bits of the past when I’m lying in bed or just watching tv. The other day my aunt went out and the last thing I remember was her going upstairs for something, but yet she had come back down, opened the door and left and yet I had no recollection of it due to the meds. That can be so scary at times.